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Common cliches in Bollywood that may never go away

From a fan perspective, among the biggest cliches in Bollywood seems to be the very name given to the film industry. For the longest time now, actors have insisted on calling it the Indian Film Industry instead. But, well, who’s listening? What would become of nomenclature? 

God knows who came up with the phrase, “Life, such a cliche!” Well, to be honest, life would be unimaginable and hell-hole if one were to actually delve deep into such a poignant quote. As a starter, imagine all one ends up enduring whether or not it’s needed, which is pretty much like being forced to swim in an ocean where every droplet is a cliche?

“Marry! Because there’s a right age for it.” Often, the person sitting right next to you can’t take it that you don’t eat chicken. “Oh, you don’t eat non-veg; don’t think you are a vegan if you eat eggs!’ Often, the person at the receiving end of unwarranted attention thinks silently, “So what crime have I done against humanity, is my Aadhar card going to be cancelled that I am happy eating the chicken for vegans; paneer?” Things, however, continue relentlessly with your blood boiling. ” Have kids, and when you ask why because your best friend too has gone that way. ”

In an age where the phrase, “Can you get me my cheque (well, what’s wrong with the bill),  I’m bio-enhancing and am doing digital-detox right now” aren’t really a passe and where placing a showpiece of Buddha in one’s living room is about as necessary as defending the Sankskrit meaning behind new-age names, cliches in Bollywood are about as normal as snow in Saint Moritz,

But worry not. Why should you be left alone? As it is, loneliness is a giant killer and if you are thinking that you can escape the carnage, then remember- Bollywood is always there to remind you how stupid an idea ‘doing things differently’ is. In doing its bit to contribute to depleting us of IQ levels, cater to increasing our emotional quotient when we could breathe a little, and serve fodder- rejected by cows and possibly every mammal on earth- in the name of entertainment, here are some top cliches in Bollywood:

The Shaadi

Cliches in Bollywood

Can there be a Hindi film minus a Shaadi sequence? More specifically, can there be a Shaadi sequence minus an inflated guest-list? In an age where being naturally subtle or understated can be such a “passe” no big-budget Bollywood film- well, which unfortunately occurs more frequently than Haley’s Comet- can do without a Shaadi. If you self-invite yourself for a Bollywood Shaadi, then be mindful of the fact that not to expect the following in this event:

Soft music

Sober guests

Attendees who look like over-cooked vegetables.

We’ve seen this one in Veerey Di Wedding. We’ve been through this in a quintessential depiction of Punjabis and Gujaratis in Patel Ki Punjabi Wedding to an extent that by the time the exhausted viewer who’s been fed a buffet of cultural cliches has been so suffocated that he has no patience left to applaud the film- which God alone knows why only at the end- reveals that it had its heart, all along this while, at the right place.

Possibly, the only unexplored cliche, apart from either the girl running a night away from her own wedding- notice, it’s a new trend- or the epic Bollywood send-off of the Dulhan (bride) in a Rolls Royce or a Merc is the guest receiving a return gift that has his own picture embossed on every piece of cutlery that he or she touched, ate in or passed out with.

How about going for that, Bollywood?

Mom-in-law

Cliches in Bollywood

TV serials have highlighted a vamp that does all the wrong to her daughter-in-law. But she spares drinking her blood in the open for some reason. How kind. But why worry when movies can do that too, well in a drab way, of course?

But why worry when movies can do that too, well in a drab way, of course?

Who says our actors are gifted as the Draculas from Eastern Europe- who despite only indulging in love making and drinking their lover’s blood in the name of showing something gothic and ‘Zara Hatt Ke’ (slightly different) get the plaudits, because, well, they are Hollywood, of course!

What’s the next move, Hollywood? Maybe open an account for Count Dracula on Tinder?

But, never mind, coming back to Bollywood, there were less harsh but cunning moms-in-law’ as seen in the great Reema Lagoo’s character in Hum Saath Saath Hain. They still preferred sparing the horror of overacting for the viewer which is when the ever talented Kirron Kher came along in Dostana to prove that wretched horror does exist, after all.

Cliches in Bollywood

Remember the otherwise brilliant Kirron Kher in Dostana? Perhaps the reason Maa Ka Laadla Bigad Gaya was about the son who turned the other way was that how repulsively loud the mother was. Not that she hadn’t overdone the bit in Om Shanti Om that did, after all, stay true to the philosophy it espoused: If you wish something so badly, then the universe does give it to you. Well, just that we weren’t expecting Kirro Kher’s blaring loud portrayal as the scary mom that was about as rubbish as Kylie Jenner on the cover of Forbes as a ‘self-made’ entrepreneur.

But to be frank, this particularly sad in picturization of women as mothers and mothers in laws because a lot many times the truth is far simpler and just simply hyped.

Here’s a question.

Are our elders so horrible and unbearable that we can’t take them at all when they spent their entire lives ‘tolerating’ us?

Bollywood, you can do better.

 

The Item Song

Cliches in Bollywood

We’ve been treated to the titillating sensation of dancers who bravely gyrate their rears to prove that hips, after all, don’t really lie.

We’ve even seen Malaika Arora undergo the riskiest song, one that could’ve put her own life on the line while dancing on the top of a train to pander some lonely hearts.

Now we are in an age where men are fighting back. And how’s that? Well, of course, by going either shirtless with the dancer on hire that too on a night of ‘recreation’ that’s openly marketed on the big screen or by doing some godforsaken number featuring a the gangly youth holding a bottle of ‘Desi’ (local brand) as the girl disappears after a while into oblivion. Where’s the groom, but? Of course, he’s attending to the special invite.

 

The Airport

Cliches in Bollywood

Whether or not the guy gets the girl or the girl gets the guy, the airport in a Bollywood feature film is that legendary veteran that’s perhaps existing only so it could get on to the stage and finally receive the ‘Lifetime Achievement Award!’

We will make it simple for you.

You ask an award for what? Well, for being the stupidest and lamest piece of cliche that can ever be. The girl has her heart broken, where does she rush to, where else, but the airport, of course. There’s some rich friend who can console her and comes to receive her.

The dude wishes to chick-hunt and where else but in Goa for that one special eve with rich buddies, so where does he emerge as the Pink T-shirt wearing loud bloke with overgrown facial hair, where else but the airport, isn’t it?

Here’s a hypothesis.

Let’s consider for a second that in a Hindi film, the mom-in-law comes to know that the Third World War is about to be declared. Of course, the impending wedding of the son is the only hassle in her mind- what else? So where does she with her “Thaali of Sanskaar” and her “single malt-loving hubby’ rush to, the airport of course?

Because in a downgrade, low-market underground bunker the life of everyone would be secure plus it cannot expose the subtle jewellery everyone wears during a moment of imminent danger, isn’t it?

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Dev Tyagi

Dravid, Black, Lara, Rajasthan, Raikkonen, Finland, Tea, Deserts, Morrison, Espionage, World Peace and disruptive ideas.

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